First day of the rest of my life...

I think my mom sums up my thankfulness for today in her post, you can read it here:

http://lingeringshade.blogspot.com/2010/09/year-ago-today.html

Here is my story of my ordeal.

Last year at this time, I didn't know if I'd live one more day, even hour, much less a whole other year! I remember laying in the hospital bed, especially in ICU when no family could stay with me, being completely scared and unsure and tired. They had me on so much medicine I was dopey most of the time to prevent being in pain and probably to prevent me from having a major panic attack. I think the most scared I've ever been in my life was when we arrived at the hospital and they took me to get a CT Scan. I couldn't walk by that time and that was very scary. I couldn't even use the bathroom on my own; my husband had to come help me. I had never been in the hospital, been to the ER, or had a CT Scan before. They told me they would inject dye into my main artery so they could see all my organs and find out what was wrong. I could barely breathe and my husband came into the room to help me up on the little CT Scan gurney and it was the hardest thing to lie there with my arms above my head and listen to a robotic voice telling me when to hold my breath. The dye felt so warm and weird, and I had a funny taste in my mouth when they finally finished and flushed me with saline. They had such a hard time getting that big needle in, and it hurt like crazy getting poked everywhere...it felt like someone ripping a hole in my arm to put it in. (Which essentially I guess it was a hole in my arm!) I told my mom I just imagined God holding me in His hands, keeping me steady and in place while they scanned me.

My Dr. was not there but called at about 10 that night to tell my mom that I had multiple, large blood clots in my lungs and that I was in big trouble if they didn't act fast. I was put on oxygen and told that I would be receiving clot treatments by having two shots a day in my stomach - every morning and every evening. My mom looked terrified, my husband was there, my stepdad, and my dad finally arrived after getting pulled over for speeding! A friend and pastor of ours came in as well and prayed with me. I called my sister because I didn't know if I'd live or die and told her I loved her and could barely make it through the conversation.

The next day several nurses rushed in and said they needed to take me to ICU. I remember asking, almost jokingly, if I was going to die and they never gave me a straight answer; just that I was "very sick".
I stayed in ICU for 2 or 3 days and then got released to a private room. I went through the rest of the week being woken at 4 am every day to get blood drawn and was given multiple medications every few hours. I wasn't even allowed to get up and use the regular bathroom; I had to use a "potty" by the bed. I definitely wasn't modest anymore after my stay! The last day, I finally got to get up and walk the halls. My mom was there as Dustin was at work and walked with me, dragging my IV bag along the way. I was so glad to get out of that room and see the hallways! I didn't go far as my legs felt like they forgot how to walk, and was exhausted soon, but it felt like a victory. I got news that I could be released and we packed up and wheeled me to the car. Even the smell of someone smoking outside smelled so real and wonderful when I got my first breath of "non-hospital air"! I went home and took my first shower in a week (PHEW! I kept complaining that I stunk in the hospital, they all looked at me like I was crazy and that was the least of my concerns) and it seemed like it took forever but felt good. The rest of of the night and even that week and month is a blur to me, but as time went on I learned to live with my new life.

Today was a great day. I had a beautiful blue sky and a cool morning with the windows open at home and windows down in the car. I started it off early by heading to the mall for a Yankee Candle sale. Ha! I got there early and enjoyed the quiet except for a few people walking around for their morning exercise.I smiled at everyone and enjoyed being able to walk all around the mall without being out of breath. Over the past year I have had good days, lots of bad days, and a few "ok" days in between. Lately, over the past 2 months or so, I've had mainly good days! My mom and stepdad Craig-person (I call him that) took me to eat Mexican food and I had a margarita. I had a wonderful day and plan to have many more to come.